I’m a body-mind wellness coach, who integrates fitness + nutrition + spirituality.
I’m a body-mind wellness coach, who integrates fitness + nutrition + spirituality.
My mission is to raise collective consciousness, by helping people like you,
balance the body and the mind.
My own fitness journey led me on a deep spiritual path that I feel is my soul’s purpose to share with the world and to serve as guide for others on their path.
Fitness has allowed me to remember who I really am, helping me unlock my potential and become my highest self. Fitness has massively shifted my perspective of this existence, and altered my consciousness to joy and love. Fitness has completely changed my life in more ways than words can describe, and the life lessons learned (and continue to learn) are seemingly endless.
Yes, consistent exercise and following a proper diet will yield physical results over time. But the real transformation exists within; the shift in your perception, your personal power, the connection to your soul.
Your body is a temple.
Your body is the vessel that allows you to experience this existence.
Your body is a manifestation of the Divine power.
Your body is the platform for self-realization and liberation.
When you honor your body, you honor consciousness.
From a young age, I considered myself a “perfectionist”. I was constantly striving to be the best version of myself. I always gave my full effort to everything I did, whether it was getting straight A’s in school, excelling at sports or extracurricular activities, honing in on my skills and hobbies, or organizing my closet. I thrived off of achievement and attained satisfaction knowing that I gave whatever it was my 100%.
But being a perfectionist has its downfalls. I was constantly terrified of failure. I always set high expectations for myself, ones that were sometimes impossible to meet. And I craved control. I became aware from a very young age that I was in control of my actions, emotions, reactions, and intentions, and that I could create the reality I desired.
It wasn’t until my second year of high school that I felt as though I completely lost control over my life and my future.
From the outside, my family looked financially very well off. We lived in a multi-million dollar house in the suburbs of San Diego, my father drove a sick Porsche convertible, and money wasn’t an issue. But then the 2008 recession hit, and my father lost his business. We found ourselves in deep, deep, deeeeep debt, and my family completely broke apart.
I’ll spare the details, but my home environment became extremely toxic. There was constant arguing between my parents and hysterical crying that echoed the house endlessly. Despite all of the pain and suffering I had to endure, I continued to pour my energy into school activities, getting good grades, and my friendships. I thought as soon as college came, I would be free and life would be good again.
But when the day came for me to start my new life at my dream college, my world shattered. My parents couldn’t afford for me to go. I felt like I lost all control over my life.
In desperation to feel a sense of control again, I developed a severe eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating) and exercise addiction. I lost nearly 30lbs in just a few short months, going from 125lbs to my lowest of 90lbs at 5’4”. I believed that if I couldn’t control my parent’s decisions that were impacting my life, I could control how much food I ate and how much I exercised. I remember eating fewer than 800 calories, while forcing myself to workout to burn at least 1000 calories a day. Yep, you do the math.
I completely ignored the fact that my body actually needed food and calories to literally SURVIVE and carry out normal functioning. I would run my fingers through my hair and it would just fall right out. My naturally round face became sunken in and looked lifeless. I lost my menstrual cycle and thought it was totally normal. I was became so physically exhausted, and my mind filled with even more depressive thoughts, anxiousness, and OCD tendencies.
I then found what is commonly known as “clean eating”, what is basically eating only foods that are totally unprocessed (“clean”), while avoiding all other foods like the plague (“dirty” or bad). I became terrified to eat foods I once loved, fearing that I would gain a ton of fat if I had even just a small scoop of ice cream. I was convinced that you can only achieve a “fit body” if you eat chicken, broccoli, and rice. I prepped all of my food, refused to go out to eat at a restaurant, and would literally feel a wave of anxiousness if I was in a social situation that had “bad” food.
Eventually I became helpless, and thought “there has GOT to be a different way”. I stumbled upon a video about IIFYM / “If it fits your macros” / “flexible dieting”, saying that you can pretty much eat anything, as long as you meet your caloric and macronutrient needs. It blew my mind that people who had six-pack abs were eating foods like pop tarts, ice cream, and pizza (in addition to eating majority healthy foods, think 80/20 rule). I decided to give it a try, weighing out and tracking my food, increasing my calories a bit, and adding in 1 pop tart everyday. After a few weeks, I looked just as in shape as I was following “clean eating”. As I increased my calories even more, I actually looked even better because I was fueling my body and giving my muscles ample calories to grow and strengthen.
While my relationship with food dramatically improved, my eating disorder and OCD tendencies still prevailed. I became obsessive about weighing out and tracking my food to the gram. I owned multiple food scales to so that I would have a back up if one were to break (I had a mini freakout one time when my food scale just died on me…). I literally took my food scale with me to Chipotle to separate and weigh out my salad bowls so that my macros would be as accurate as possible. I wanted everything to be as optimal as possible, and I unhealthily loved the sense of control weighing and tracking my food gave me (hello, Pitta imbalance).
During this time, I also became obsessed with bodybuilding and powerlifting. I would lift weights for upwards of 2 hours a day, and gave my 100% to every. single. workout. I neglected recovery, and my one rest day a week felt like absolute torture. And if I had a “bad” workout, I would actually force myself to go back to the gym a second time in the same day to “redo” the workout.
The gym was my sanctuary, and I loved nothing more than training. But my mind was not in the right place.
I fueled my fitness achievements with all of the resentment, hopelessness, and negative energy that was running through me. I didn’t know how to workout or eat healthy from a place of self-love, kindness, and forgiveness. I found myself becoming a slave to my own innate desire for absolute control over my life.
Exercise wasn’t only a means of burning calories though. It became an escape for my mind, freeing me from stress, worry, and anxiety. When I exercised, I entered a very deep meditative state that I now realize put me in a state of altered consciousness. I was actually entering a different layer of reality that connected me with Universal energy and my soul.
The problem was that I became attached to this higher state of consciousness. I became addicted to exercise and the feeling of transcending beyond the mind and even the physical body. I was out of balance, and unable to ground back down to the physical world with peace.
I spent the next few years rebuilding my relationship with food and exercise, working to achieve that necessary balance and self-love. When I finally released the desire for control and perfection I was constantly trying to attain, I returned to my true self. I surrendered.
It wasn’t until the summer of my Junior year of college that my relationship with food and exercise started to change. I landed an internship at a tech company that provided free food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I realized how incredibly ridiculous it would be to weigh out my food. I packed my bags to leave for the Bay Area, and left my beloved food scale behind.
That summer I developed so much love and forgiveness for myself, and learned one of the most important lessons of my life: sometimes surrendering, is the greatest form of control.
After graduating college, I landed a job at a fast growing tech startup in Silicon Valley and moved to San Francisco. I finally felt like I had gained control over my life again, and my personal power was restored.
Shortly after moving to San Francisco, I got a calling to start running again. I hadn’t gone on a run for about two years, and was solely focused on strength training (powerlifting and bodybuilding). One day, I went on a long run in San Francisco, running nearly 20 miles, and I felt as though I could run forever. During one specific moment, I had an out of body experience that I still cannot quite find the words for.
I felt as though I had risen out of my physical form, left my ego behind, and became everything surrounding me. I was the drop in the ocean, the blade of grass, the warmth of the sun, the red paint on the Golden Gate Bridge, the laugh of the child I was running past…
I was all of what was and what is.
Tears streamed down my face and I felt this huge release wash off of me. I forgave my father for all of the pain he caused my family, and I finally rid myself of the resentment and anger I was holding onto for so many years, keeping me from becoming my highest self.
I let it all go.
When I got back home, I started to think perhaps it was just a “runner’s high”, and people experience that kind of thing all of the time. But it wasn’t. Whatever shift had occurred strengthened day after day, and I truly could not see the world the same. My entire perception of reality had shifted and there was absolutely no going back to who I was before that moment.
I now exercise out of self-love and appreciation for my body. My body was strong when my mind and soul were weak, and for that I am forever grateful. I cherish this body and honor it as the vessel that carries my consciousness through this physical existence.
My workouts are moving meditations, that allow me the opportunity to deepen the connection to my soul. I nourish my body with foods that bring balance to my body and mind (which sometimes means indulging in some vegan cheesecake!).
I believe that fitness was the catalyst for my spiritual path. Fitness draws so many parallels to life, and has taught me seemingly infinite lessons, surfaced constant realizations, that have all connected me back to Source and truth.
I have become fascinated by the connection of the mind, body, and soul, and the subtle layers of reality that are not apparent to the mind itself. My spiritual practice expands into studies and practices of Ayurveda, meditation, Kundalini yoga, psychedelics and plant medicine, Tantra, and various modes of energy healing.
Exercise of course has stayed one of the most integral practices of spirituality for me.
I have learned that the true purpose of fitness isn’t just the physical. Fitness is about deepening your awareness, understanding, and gratitude, for how the mind, body, and soul work together to create your very existence.
I believe that fitness truly can be a path to spiritual awakening and liberation, allowing you to become who you really are.
I cannot wait for you to experience the transformative power exercise and nutrition can have on your mind, body, and soul.